Sunday, August 27, 2006

HW - 1C

My first submission of the homework was partly a disaster - while I did manage a decent number of words, I narrated all the parts out of sequence and generally made a mess of things so that I never got around to saying what I wanted to say!

Frida gave me valuable feedback saying that having an outline would be helpful in sequencing and developing a story. So here is my second draft of the same piece.


Reminiscences of Princess Puvi

I am Princess Puvi, daughter of Elizabeth, descended from the House of Merrys, and Bairav, whose great grandfather was conferred a title by virtue of his family being associated with the nobility for several generations. He had all the tracking instincts that one appreciates in a hunter and was thus held in high esteem by the Royal families.

My mother lived in a house of her own in a principality in the south western part of the country. She was well provided for and had a posse of slaves to do her bidding; I have never seen my father, who used to live in his own castle. From gossip gathered from the slaves I was able to gather that except for occasional visits which were purely of a romantic nature, my father never visited my mother.

We were 4 of us, two brothers and 2 sisters. We had a happy and carefree childhood, growing up on stories of my mother's slaves. We were told that when we grew up , we would have a home for ourselves with our own slaves. We were cautioned that our future happiness depended on the type of slaves we were able to get for ourselves and on how we trained and managed them daily. I had inherited my father's commoner's nose, which reduced the prospect of my getting a good house with well behaved slaves. This was a cause of shame and distress to my mother. She used to lament, "Ohhhh, Dear God! How am I going to get her a decent house of her to live in". For my own part I never really worried about it and spent happy days growing up with my brothers and sister.

Time seemed to have passed in a jiffy, because one day my mother said that My brother and I were to go north to find ourselves our house and slaves. It was a typical monsoon morning, with the clouds hanging low, when we set out with one slave accompanying us. The weather seemed to reflect our mood when we left. We traveled by train and arrived by evening in a town, where there were supposed to be numerous houses. We went with the slave to a house where we were to spend the night before looking out for our own house.

We were weary from the journey and were preparing for an early bed, when there was some commotion at the front door. Peeping out from our bedchamber we were able to discern a short man and a boy speaking excitedly to the slave. The slave came to us and told us that we were in luck and that the man and his boy were fresh slaves who had just come on the market, and if it wasn't an inconvenience to us would we please come and see them.

Not one to postpone work, I immediately went out to look over the slaves. Though fresh slaves, they looked good enough to me and I felt confident that I could mould them into malleable and conscientious slaves. Further enquiries revealed that the slaves came along with a proper house to live in. There was a bit of a dilemma as to who should have the slaves, my brother or I. Finally my brother in good grace allowed me to have them. I was to go to the new house the next day morning.

The morning dawned bright and clear; I could hear the excited chatter of the slaves who had come to escort me to the new home and the excitement rubbed off on me. Meanwhile the financial transactions were satisfactorily completed and I bade my brother a tearful farewell with promises to look up each other. My slaves insisted on carrying me on their shoulders on the way to my new home which was just a few minutes walk from there.

The house was one of those flats on the second floor of a building, which one now sees in cities. No more luxuries like living in a separate house in the country. The door was opened by another plump jolly looking female slave, who seemed to be delighted to see me. She hugged me and kissed me and generally made a big fuss about me. She went and made an assorted variety of food for me not knowing what would please me. I could see that they were totally fresh wet behind their ears and would need strict disciplining before they were good slaves. I shrugged them aside and investigated the whole flat and found it satisfactory. Then I had some milk that was ready for me and let it be known that I would like to retire. The woman slave hurriedly prepared my bedchamber and put me to bed. Feeling secure in my new home I curled up in my cushions and drifted away into Neverland where other puppies were waiting to play with me.

Training my slaves to do my bidding is quite another long story which I will narrate on another lazy evening. woof woof :)



HOMEWORK:

Writing: Pick one of your nouns and write about it.

WHEW! WE MADE IT THROUGH OUR FIRST SESSION!!

14 comments:

Dusty said...

I am in awe. This is incredible. All your hard work is paying off. It’s an excellent read!!

One complaint “fresh behind their ears” it’s either wet behind the ears or totally fresh.

The Visitor said...

Thanks Frida - That has pepped me up a lot. I'll do the corrections

Mosilager said...

That's really well written visitor! I loved the story.

The Visitor said...

Hey Thanks Ranjit :)

Cindy said...

Very clever! I never once suspected the ending. Keep up the good writing and don't get discouraged- it's a lot like photography, you take an awful lot of pictures and might only get one or two "keepers" from an entire roll of film.

The Visitor said...

Thanks Cindy - your encouragement certainly helps. I hope to do my second HW today. :)

Terri the terrific said...

What a doll! Brings out maternal instincts in me, and I'm not even female!

Anonymous said...

@ terri - Yap yap :p . visit us again.

PP

Anonymous said...

Brilliant Watson!

The Visitor said...

Micky Holmes was here! I can't believe it. :)
Hats off to you Holmes.
*Visitor bows in obeisance* LOL

SUMI said...

loved it :)

Harini Padmanabhan said...

Ha ha! Good job. Loved the way you wrote it. Though slaves was repeated a few times.

Worn Corners said...

Ah. What a cute story! Really liked reading it. :)

The Visitor said...

Worncorners was here! Yay! Thanks for your appreciation.